Is growing up really all it’s cracked up to be?

Kidult

noun / informal

also known as the Peter Pan Syndrome, kidults don’t seem to want to grow up. Housed in adult casing, beneath this deceptive exterior lies a myriad of questionable credit card purchases, with multiple out-of-date fridge items and a (not so) secret love of Brittany’s early work.

Yes, I’m an advocate of kidulting, and will actively protest kidult-shaming. Truth is, being grown up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – and we all know it.

I cherish the good old days when life boiled down to two questions:

“Who am I going to play with?”

“Will their mum have good food?”

Now well into my dirty thirties, as a living breathing kidult I still find myself asking similar questions:

“Do I have to make small talk?”

“Will there be gluten free, refined sugar free, cruelty free, paleo/keto/raw vegan food?” (If not, your mum’s got some serious explaining to do!)

Using social and culinary preferences as the basis of my clearly well researched theory, I put my kidluting to the test to see how I measured up next to my one-year old nephew, Giovanni.

The more time we spend together eating his mum’s perfectly cooked organic, gluten-free pasta, the more painstakingly obvious it becomes that I have the emotional maturity of an infant. Much like the neph, I can scream, chuckle, punch you in the face, do a dance move, cry, throw my food on the floor, only to wind up in a fit of laughter all in the span of five minutes. (Still beats me why I’m single!)

That being said, I admire the kid’s honesty, confidence and ability to find joy in even the most mundane tasks. If you’re one, apparently banging on a kitchen pot, being mesmerised by the vacuum cleaner, and using mum’s yoga mat for your toys are some of life’s greatest pleasures.

It got me thinking I could learn something from this kid. Perhaps if I embraced my inner kidult I’d start to actually enjoy cooking, doing the housework and hitting the gym at ungodly hours of the morning.

7 tips to live your best kidult life

So, for those of us who’ve set up camp in our oh-so delicious gingerbread house right by Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory; who zip to work on Aladdin’s magic carpet and wind up telling our boss to ‘Let it Go’ before freezing them into an icicle (one can dream) – here are some tips from myself and lil’ Giovanni, on how to live your best kidult life.

1. Be honest, AKA ‘no filter’

Also touted as ‘radical honesty’ in forward thinking, Eastern suburbs wellness circles. Note: this one can be potentially hazardous to one’s career and love life. You’ve been warned

2. Put your $6 morning coffee on your credit card

Cause macadamia milk ain’t no joke people. This may seem irresponsible, but hear me out.

If you travel an hour on public transport braving a symphony of open-air sneezes and coughs from the general public, only to spend eight hours in fluorescent lighting on your most politically correct behaviour, to then be told by Bob from accounts that your sick day is coming out of your annual leave in absence of a doctor’s certificate – drank the damn coffee and love every sip of it!

3. Don’t make your bed

You’re just going to mess it up again. Timesaving at it’s finest – this one’s just plain common sense.

4. Watch kids’ movies

Happy Feet, Moana and Shark Tale should be in your cinematic top ten.

5. Call your mum when you get the flu

We all know she’s gonna have the best advice, and will probably have a bottle of some magic herbal remedy lying around that will save you a trip to the shops… and your wallet for that matter. (We need to make room for those $6 coffees somewhere.)

6. Vision board until you can collage no more

If your house resembles a kindergarten art-therapy treatment room, you’re on track.

7. Learn a few Wiggles songs

This one’s a wild card, I know, but bear with me. There’s just something really therapeutic about nailing the vocals and choreography to ‘Do the Propella’. Don’t knock knock knock it till you try it. Cue the overexcited handgun!